Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Three months ago...

I can't believe it has been three months since I delivered my little girls! It seems like I was just pregnant, and sometimes I can't believe I'm not. I miss them so much. I also can't believe that I've been pregnant for 12 months and still have no babies. I would probably be delivering them any day now, since I should be almost 36 weeks right now. It seems like everyone that I know is having a baby or pregnant right now, even though I know that's not true.

My OB says that I can start trying again next month, which I really want to do, but it completely freaks me out still. I just wonder what in the heck I would do if I lost another baby. Is it possible that I could give birth to four babies and still come home with zero? I already feel like I'm 'that poor girl' who can't seem to have babies. I'm the girl that people know and feel sorry for because I can't bring home a baby. The girl people look at with pity and are secretly thinking how glad they are that this didn't happen to them. I just don't want to be that girl anymore...

13 comments:

Alina said...

Jenny, You and Rob are the strongest people I know...Your marriage, and business and life are prime examples as to how strong you are! To have gone through so much over the past few years and overcome it all... Jeremy and I both look up to your guys and are praying for you guys!!

Faith and Jeremy Peasley said...

That comment was from Jeremy and Faith...sorry I signed in with an old account...

mrsmuelly said...

I completely understand not wanting to be "that girl". Not wanting to be the sad person in the room...not wanting to be the person that everyone feel sorry about it. I'm so sorry. I don't have any magic words but I do know that feeling inside of me has gotten better.

Erika said...

I am so sorry, and think about you often. I am praying that 2009 brings you a healthy, full-term baby. Of course, no one will ever replace your three beautiful girls, but I know you want to bring home a baby from the hospital and how much joy that would bring to your life. If you haven't yet, check out our support group: butterflyhaven.org. There are a lot of girls on there who can sympathize with your feelings and struggles.

Lots of hugs,
Erika

Never forgetting Gregory said...

I'm so sorry you are "that girl". It must be such a tough decision for you to make and, I hope you are at peace with whatever is best for your family. I have to believe that you WILL bring home a baby, even though that doesn't take away from how unfair life has been for you. hugs.

Ray, Megan and Ruby Denise Clark said...

I don't have any words to say. I have checked back to your site often to see how you are doing.

I am praying for you!

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm sorry that this is so hard.

Hugs.

Amanda said...

I feel as though you read my mind w/ this post w/ the whole "that girl". I just want something to go right for both of us. I want to believe we both will get our rainbow babies! ((((HUGS)))) my friend!

-clevergirl said...

I just found your blog and I wanted to tell you I am so sorry for your losses. Your daughters are beautiful. **HUG**

Kami said...

I'm so happy that you are writing again! And just for the record - I think of you as "the girl everyone is rooting for"!

my Beautiful Little Bird said...

I am praying for you and please know that you are not seen that way. I don't know if my opinions or words matter much but I see you as a strong woman of God. A bright banner of His strength and love. I can't tell you just how much you have encouraged me with your words as you went through such a terrible season (even though I know there is joy in knowing your daughters just like I have joy that I knew mine).
I am so glad you are writing on here again. Please know that my husband and I are praying for you.

spotty said...

Hi Jenell!

I wrote you before about a mother here in Sweden who lost two babies in the middle of her pregnancies due to urinary infection and the other one due to IC. She had a cerclage now that she was pregnant for the third time, and was on bedrest for most of her pregnancy. She just had her baby about a week ago, and everything went perfectly well this time, and Jonna and her husband finally got to bring a baby home! If you would like to contact her, she blogs on this page:http://finnjonna.blogspot.com/

And this is her husband´s e-mail address marcus.birro@hotmail.com

I thought may be you would like to contact someone who shares some of your experiences and who has finally brought home a baby, just like you are hoping to do!

I keep checking in here, and am praying that you will get to keep your precious baby next time, and that it will be soon!

Much love from Lenita in Sweden

Claire said...

It is late on a wednesday night and I sit here on my computer google-ing still born stories looking for someone who understands.
I had my son Christian on March 20th 2009. I completely understand what you are going through. Thank goodness not a lot of people can say that. I have struggled with dealing with all of the emotion and the one thing my son's grandmother said was..."find light in the celebration of the gift you have been able to see your guardian angel's face, something very few people get in life on earth." I am lucky to have my son on my shoulder.
You have 3 beautiful girls to take care of you. They are hand picking their sibling for you. Imagine them and all the questioning they will do for the next beautiful soul you will get to keep.
They all are smiling at you so put your face to the sun and smile back.
Have faith that your journey as a mother continues. Have faith that God has a great plan for you. Have faith.
I will be praying for you and your family.
God Bless.
Christian's mommy