March For Babies

So Rob and I are going to walk in the March For Babies walk in Sacramento this April, in memory of our daughters. The March of Dimes mission is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality. If you'd like to support this cause, please consider sponsoring us by making a donation.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/teamcline

Three months ago...

I can't believe it has been three months since I delivered my little girls! It seems like I was just pregnant, and sometimes I can't believe I'm not. I miss them so much. I also can't believe that I've been pregnant for 12 months and still have no babies. I would probably be delivering them any day now, since I should be almost 36 weeks right now. It seems like everyone that I know is having a baby or pregnant right now, even though I know that's not true.

My OB says that I can start trying again next month, which I really want to do, but it completely freaks me out still. I just wonder what in the heck I would do if I lost another baby. Is it possible that I could give birth to four babies and still come home with zero? I already feel like I'm 'that poor girl' who can't seem to have babies. I'm the girl that people know and feel sorry for because I can't bring home a baby. The girl people look at with pity and are secretly thinking how glad they are that this didn't happen to them. I just don't want to be that girl anymore...

The results are in...

Well, I've had 5 doctor appointments since the delivery, 2 with a perinatologist and 3 with my OB. They are disagreeing slightly about what happened, but the general conclusion is that I had a partial placental abruption with Alexis, which is why I was bleeding so much. A placental abruption means that the placenta started to tear away from the wall of uterus, causing bleeding. This bleeding caused irritation, which gave me some early contractions. I also then went from not dilated at all to dilated within just a few days, with no other contractions, hence the diagnosis of incompetent cervix. They don't know what caused the abruption, especially since I was really taking it easy, but there is a higher risk with twins. I am also told that the chances of it happening again are about 15%. Great. If it does happen, there is also really nothing you can do about it.

My peri isn't quite sure if I have IC and doesn't want to rush into a cerclage, but instead wants to monitor me once a week, starting at 14 weeks. The problem is, if I truly do have IC and don't get the cerclage, even monitoring once a week could be not enough. My OB is convinced I have IC and does not want to take any chances, so I will be getting a cerclage next time and will then be on bedrest starting at 14 weeks. I feel much better about this, because I have to do everything that I possibly can do to bring home a baby.