Monday, November 10, 2008

Doctor Appointment

I went in for a follow up appointment today with my doctor, since he was actually gone when I delivered. He talked to all of the doctors and nurses and got caught up on everything in the meantime. He was pretty surprised to learn that 'they almost lost me', as he put it and was even more surprised that they released me from the hospital so soon, especially after all of the blood transfusions. He also thought I looked really pale, so he sent me for more bloodwork and gave me a different prescription for iron. He recommended counseling as well, which I think is a good idea, but we are going to contact our church to see if they have any recommendations first, since we'd really like to see a counselor that has the same beliefs as we do. I'll go back in another 4 weeks for more bloodwork and to make sure that I am physically healing.

He also talked to us about future pregnancies, which may seem a little premature, but I did want to know what his thoughts were. He said I definitely need 3 months for my body to physically heal, which is also what I was told last time, so he said I could start trying again in February. Before I start trying, he is going to have me consult with a peri to make sure we are all on the same page with what to do next time. He said that his plan would be that I would get a preventative cerclage somewhere from 12-14 weeks and would then be on house/bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. In his 22 years of practice, he said he has never had a preventative cerclage fail and overall has only had only 1 cerclage fail, and it was an emergency cerclage placed after the woman had already started to dilate. He has also had women with IC pregnant with twins that had a successful cerclage and made it to term, which is good to know, in case I ever got pregnant with twins again.

This does help me think that someday we will come home with a baby but just thinking about being pregnant again really freaks me out. I have such mixed feelings because on one hand, I want to be pregnant right away and on another, I never want to be pregnant ever again. I remember all of these emotions from last time, so I guess I know what to expect. I know that someday I will be able to talk about my girls and smile instead of cry, I will be able to laugh and not feel guilty, and I will be able to think about the future and be hopeful, but today is not that day. Maybe tomorrow...

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jenell,
Thanks for checking in. It's good to know that even if you're not ready, you're starting to form a plan. Please let us know what we can do..
Love, Edna

Deanna V said...

jenny,
You have shown us all that you have amazing strength. I'm sure you'll smile again. Let me know when I can try to help with that!

jckurtz7 said...

You are such an inspiration to us! May the Lord bless you and keep you in perfect peace knowing He loves you. Jen and Rob continue to heal and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. We love you!

Crys said...

I found your site through Brianna Dupuy. I lost my four year old girl from cancer this June. It is so bad, no matter how old or young they are. I will never understand why we have to lose our babies and why you had to do it three times. I have cried so many tears for you tonight. I am glad the hospital was so gracious about it. We had a good experience too and I will forever cherish those memories. I hope that you do get pregnant again and add to the beautiful family of five. I will say a special prayer for you tonight and tell my daughter to give extra hugs to Makenna, Ashlen and Alexis. (My daughter's name is Alexa so she will be glad to meet another little girl with a name close to hers, I am sure). With love from another grieving mother.

Tiffany said...

Jenell, you are a very strong women. I am so sorry you are having to deal with all the fresh emotions of your loss. Good to hear though you have a plan if you choose to go that path again. Thanks for the update, thinking of you often

Brianna said...

Hi Jenell,
I found your blogs through my cousin Kiera Lucero. My heart goes out to you and your husband...there aren't any words to say that could help...but please know I will be praying for you. God Bless You.

business girl said...

Jenell.... I am so glad your Doctor gave you some encouraging news. It sounds like you are on the right track on doing what your body needs to do. You are so strong. I admire you so much.
Cindy

shari_in_fl said...

Jenell- I am glad your dr. is being proactive and sounds like he has a good plan. I'm glad to see your posting on your blog, we all worry about you and hope your doing ok. Don't feel like you can't call on us if you need to, we are here.

Shari

Allison (Dashiell's Mom) said...

Jenell,
Thank you for continuing to post. I think of you, Rob and all of your girls so many time throughout my day and pray that you all find peace.
Allison

Laurie said...

Praying for you here in California as you continue on this most painful journey. The strength God is giving you each day is an inspiration and an answer to prayer. And He loves you guys so much. I am glad you have a compassionate and wise doctor in your corner. I am praying for you today and for your future He has for you.

Laurie in Ca.

spotty said...

I watched your slideshow today, and it so moved me! They are so beautiful, your little precious girls! And they look so much alike, I´m guessing they were identical? What do you think?

Congratulations on your two beautiful baby girls, even though they did not get to stay here with you.

Much love from Lenita in Sweden

nbebaby said...

Jenell,

What a touching slideshow. The girls are so beautiful. And oh how they are missed! Thinking of you and Rob and wishing you peace.

Nicole

Mrs. Spit said...

Time Jenell, time.

It does begin to heal. Still thinking and praying for you both.

Jenniffer said...

The pictures of your girls are beautiful. What a blessing to have them do so many memorable shots like that. Our hospital took pictures of our son Ethan too but nothing like those. Still I am so thankful they had the foresight to ask us so we could have a physical memory like that. I am continuing to pray for you guys. I feel connected through experiences and reading your blog is like reading pages from my own journey.

Amy Peterson said...

I am so glad to hear your doctor will know how to help you in the future. You will smile again my friend. One day at a time. Writing your blog is like therapy, isn't it? You two are so lucky to have each other. We love you both! I remember the day Jerry told Rob he loved him on the phone! (I say that to hopefully bring a smile to your faces, don't tell Jerry I reminded you of that) Love you!!

2WhoFly said...

Hi Janell,
I'm visiting from BBC and wanted to offer any encouragement I could. I have 2 angels- I lost my first at 19 weeks and I know exactly what you mean when you say you fully expected to come home with your girls. My second angel also was born into heaven and not into my arms. I found a lot of strength in this verse:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Cor. 1:3-5.
You know the dark days that will come, but you also know that God will pull you through and that the sun will shine again. As I sit here, I am 21 weeks with my 3rd and I know that God will fulfill the desires of your heart. It may be in a different way than we originally planned, but He is good and mighty. I pray for His arms to hold you close during this time. Much love,
2WhoFly

Valarie W said...

Jenell, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. And thank you for your stregth to share. I wanted to tell you about a counselor I know whom I think may either be able to help or have resources to point you to. His name is Christopher Charleton and he is based in Rochester, NY. He does phone counseling and in certain cases will travel. He is a Christian counselor and is very rooted in faith and the strength of the Lord. He also is father to a stillborn son less than four years ago. I won't post his number or email here, but if you'd like to learn more please email valariewelsh at gmail dot com. I am praying that His healing fills your hearts.

Nicole said...

We lost a son at 22wks (after having a successful pregnancy/birth with our first child) due to IC. Our third pregnancy I miscarried twins at 10wks. I am now, ironically, 22wks pregnant again and every day is filled with hope but also anxiety. I had a cerclage placed at 13 wks and so far it's holding.

I just wanted you to know I've been there and am trying again too. It's hard, and it may take time for you to be ready, but you'll find the strength.

I'll be praying for you.

Nicole

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your losses. I feel your pain, and had a stillbirth just this past Monday. This is not fair, I get that, and I get God just gives us what we can handle, but it's hard to wrap my mind around that theory.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading your blog. And I don't know how a person stays so strong, but you seem to have accomplished this. All my best.
Love Stephanie in San Bruno

mrsmuelly said...

I am so sorry that you have joined this group. I also have two pregnancy losses - due to IC. I have a lot of info if you are interested. You can check my blog or email me at mattandwindy at yahoo dot com