Wednesday, November 5, 2008

11/4-Delivery Day

I'm really not even sure how to say this, but I did want to give an update, especially before I forget any details. Both of our little girls were born today and are now in heaven with their sister.

Alexis's Story:
This afternoon, they couldn't stop my labor, but I was holding steady and they were doing regular monitoring. The plan was to still deliver Alexis and try to keep Ashlen in as long as possible. Alexis's heartbeat had started to waiver a little with contractions at one point, but the last time they checked it was going strong. Two hours later they couldn't find a heartbeat and then confirmed with an ultrasound that she had passed during labor. They immediately broke the bag of water that was still hanging and she was so low that after a few pushes, she was born. They cut the cord, put it back and hoped that the placenta did not deliver. My contractions stopped pretty quickly, so it was looking good and I wasn't bleeding that much. Then all of the sudden I started bleeding a huge amount and the doctor knew that we needed to deliver the placenta immediately to stop the bleeding. I didn't have any pain meds but he needed to work quickly to deliver the placenta because my blood pressure was dropping quickly. He basically had to use his hand to dig around and try to pull the placenta out, which I literally screamed bloody murder. They got an anethiesiologist in pretty quickly because he wasn't having luck getting the placenta out. At this point that also ordered 4cc's of blood for me stat. I had two working IV's in at the time, one in use, and one for this type of emergency. The anethiesiologist tried to give me a narcotic only to find out that both IV's literally just stopped working. It became a mad dash for two emergency IV's to be placed. They then wheeled me to an OR where the blood would arrive. By this time, I was in a ton of pain, had lost a ridiculous amount of blood and was going into shock. At one point I believe my blood pressure was somewhere around 80/40 (Rob corrected me and said my BP was in the mid 60's/40). I was shaking uncontrollably and was very cold. They were finally able to give me blood, which saved my life before I bled out and then gave me some narcotics so that my doctor could reach in and deliver the placenta. That is the last thing I remember for awhile. I woke up in a recovery room where I was being monitored for contractions. We were able to spend time with Alexis and take some pictures and she was beautiful. She weighed 14 oz and was 10 1/2 inches long.

Ashlen's Story:
A little bit after I was being monitored in recovery, I started to get the shakes, which they said was normal after delivery. My contractions started to pick up again and in no time I felt pressure and needed to push. They rushed the doctors and NICU team in and after few pushes, Ashlen was born. They whisked her away and Rob went with her and then I delivered the placenta. (Rob also corrected me on this and said a doctor with hands twice his size had to reach in and reposition Ashlen before I could push her out because she was coming out back first. He also pulled out the placenta immediately after I delivered her.) Rob returned with bad news. She was alive but had no chance for survival. She was just too small for them to even work on her and her skin was so thin they couldn't even warm her up. I couldn't leave, so they brought her to us to spend her last moments with us. She was just perfect looking and was a little bigger than her sister. She weighed 1 pound and was 11 inches long. We spent time with both of them together and took some pictures of them. They then took us to a private L&D room where we held Ashlen until her heart stopped, about 2 hours after she was born.

The hospital called in a volunteer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, which is a great organization that takes pictures of your child after they have passed. It's a free service and I think they did a great job and can't wait to see the pictures. We are so devastated right now and I think that I am probably still in a little bit of shock. The girls are sleeping in our room tonight and we will contact a funeral home tomorrow to make arrangements, which is all too familiar. No one should have to bury 3 babies. While I am on this earth, I will never understand why this has happened to us again. Even though they did not survive, they are still my miracle babies and I was blessed every second of every day that I was pregnant with them. I am so grateful for every movement that I felt and that Rob was able to feel them too. I just find myself asking why this all couldn't have just happened a few short weeks later, and they would probably still be here or how this could have even happened. I truly thought that we would bring them home. It is hard to not be bitter or angry, but I am trying with all of my heart to just lean on Him. Please continue to keep us in your prayers and thank you so much for all of your support.

I also have to add that this is the single most devastating day of my life. I lost my baby girls, almost died, and it looks like Obama won. I really don't want to go back to work after this, so I may just quit my job and let Obama 'take care' of me, since he is spreading the wealth and all. Don't ask me why I have a sense of humor right now.

119 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jenell - I am just so sorry. I know that there really isn't anything that I can say. I continue to pray for you, Rob and your beautiful little girls. I just don't understand it either....

Marissa

Tiffany said...

Jenell, I am soooooo sorry for you loss. I know nothing I say will make it better, but know you and your family are in my heart.

Anonymous said...

I dont know you but have been following your story. I feel so sad for you and your husband. I am also amazed by you. You sound like the strongest person around. Your faith is amazing. I will keep you in my prayers. I am so sorry.

Leana said...

Jenell . . . I am holding you in spirit. I am devastated with and for you. I don't know what to say to express what is in my heart. I wish you "the peace that passeth understanding."

Anonymous said...

Jenell, words cannot even describe how sorry I am for your loss. I am praying for all of you....
Lauren

Anonymous said...

Janell and Rob, Im so sorry for all you two have been through.God bless you. You two seem so strong with all of this and its only through God that you have this strength.You both are an inspiration to all who have been reading your blog. Believe in Him and He will give you strength. You have proven that to all of us. Continued prayers and blessings for you two.

Shari_In_FL said...

I am so sorry for you and Rob, I cried while reading your blog and felt the pain in every word. I really don't know what else to say other than I am sorry and wished and hoped that there would have been a better outcome. Just know all of us at BBC may be far away from CA but we are still close to you! If you need anything please let me know, I am here for you.

Shari

Anonymous said...

Jenell, I am at a loss for words and know that nothing can comfort you at this time. You're right, it's not fair and you have every right to be angry. Please try to take care of yourself during this time and know that we are all here for you.
Amber

Amy Peterson said...

We are so devastated for you and so very sorry. Call us when you can. We love you.
Jerry and Amy

Anonymous said...

Jenell and Rob, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been praying for you and your family and will continue to do so. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that all three of your beautiful angels knew unconditional love because of you and Rob...

Rachel said...

There is nothing anyone can say to ease your pain. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I am continuing to pray. I pray that the Lord would send down his grace and mercy and give you incredible comfort as you walk this road again. I'm so sorry Jenell.

The Vares said...

Found a link to your story on BBC and have been following and praying. I am so, so sorry for your loss. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

Bmarie99 said...

Jenell-

I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain again.
Your words about the funeral home struck me. No mother should have to do this once, no Mother or Father should have to know what this feels like ever!
I cried many tears for you and your husband. Just hold on to each other and your faith, because nothing else makes any sense!

with Love,

Brandee

Liz said...

My heart is breaking for you:(

The Fabulous Ms. Beth said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

Anonymous said...

Praying for you, as are many others. Your strength is evident through your words. I pray that the Lord continues to hold and guide you in the days to come.

Cee said...

Jenell and Rob,

No words can help at this time. I wish with all my heart that you didn't have to go through this again. It is not fair. I understand what you are going through, as do many of us here at BBC. We are here for you whenever you need us.
hugs to you, Cee

Sweet Camden Lass said...

I'm so sorry to read this. Sending my love. ~x~

Allison (Dashiell's Mom) said...

Jenell and Rob,

I am devastated to hear that Alexis and Ashlen have joined their sister in heaven. I can't believe that you have to go through this again. You will both continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I know that words aren't really a comfort right now, but I hope you know how much love and support are here for you. I will never understand...
Allison

Holly (hme2174) said...

Jenell & Rob - I am so sorry you're having to go through all this again. No one should have to go through this once, let alone 3 times. No one should have to lose healthy babies for no apparent reason. I know that your babies are all together in Heaven keeping each other company until it's time for you to see them again. I'm just crying and devestated for you. Many hugs, prayer, and love going your way. Those of us on BBC are here for you when you're ready, until then know both of you and all your girls are in our thoughts & prayers.

Anonymous said...

Jen & Rob,
You don't know me, however; I am a friend of Rog & Sandee. I live in Iowa. I have been following your story the past few days and also praying for you.

Last night as I slept, I kept waking and you were on my mind. I continued to whisper a prayer for you. I now realize this would have been during your struggle for life. I know the Holy Spirit was leading the prayers of the saints.

We don't understand the things we have to indure while here on earth, however; we can be confident that God has a plan.

Draw strength on God's promise in Romans 8:28. When I have asked the same questions you are asking, I later find this scripture is always true.

I've also learned that God uses my past to help others in the future. Continue to be strong and courageous. Your day of blessing will come.

I encourage you to continue to trust God in all areas of your life. He will never leave you or forsake you.

Your 3 little girls are in heaven and they are waiting for the day when Mom & Dad and their future siblings will one day join them. It isn't over, eternity is just ahead for all of us.

I will continue to pray for you. In Him, Shirl

Aja said...

Jennell - what can I say, except I'm so sorry...this is just devastating. I am saying prayers for you and Rob, your sweet daughters, and your entire family. Your pain is our pain as well. We are here for you.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I am part of the March '09 BBC board. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am that you have been given this suffering. A mother's heart is steel but can break so easily. I will offer up my prayers for you today... and being a strong Catholic I am one of those people who really prays when I say I will. I am so, sorry for both of you. May Christ hold you and keep you, and I hope you continue to look to Him for comfort and understanding.
God Bless you and your family.
Mindy

Anonymous said...

Jenell and Rob - I am sooooo sorry for you loss. I will continue to pray for you guys, and I know it is tough right now, but I pray that you guys find peace. You guys seem like very strong people and my heart just aches for you guys.

Kelly
BBC

Laurie said...

Jenell and Rob,

I am so sorry that this has happened and my heart breaks for you. May you both feel Gods peace surrounding you like a soft blanket as He holds you close to His heart. You will be in my prayers daily. I am so very sorry.

Laurie in Ca.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry.

- Sarah

Amie said...

Jenell and Rob - I was with you on the March board, until 2 weeks ago...then I joined you on the 2nd/3rd Trimester Loss board. I have been following your story and praying like crazy for you all. I am heartbroken for you, and I wish above all wishes that this hadn't happened to your family. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...

OMG, Jenell, I am just so sorry. I don't know what else to say, but I wish I could be there for you in person..

Edna

Andrea said...

I am so sorry for your losses and can't imagine what you are going through right now. I was in tears as I read your story. Have you ever been told why this has happened twice now?? There are genetic blood disorders that most women don't know they have until something like this. Have you ever been tested for anything like that because it causes 2nd trimester miscarriages. I know because I have one and have to take shots for it. Again, your family is in my thoughts and know that everyone is here for support.

Mrs. Spit said...

Jenell and Rob:

There just are no words to say how sorry we are. There are no words to bring comfort, and there are no words to make this even the slightest bit better.

Wishing you strength and comfort and peace.

Thankful that your tiny wee ones are safe in heaven with Jesus, where there is no sighing or tears, but wishing with all my heart they could be here with you where they belong.

Anonymous said...

Jenell - I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. Please know that you, your husband and your little angels are in our prayers.

Jessie

Christine said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know nothing I can say will take your pain away but I pray that God will continue to support you and fill your soul with comfort and peace. I will continue to pray for you and your family, God bless.

Bethany said...

My heart has not been this sad or broken since the loss of our own daughter. I want to wish you health and somehow peace but all I really want for you are your treasured daughters... here... safe in your arms. For you to have to suffer for even one second more seems atrocious and cruel. Your daughters, all 3 of them, have left an everlasting imprint on my heart. I will be forever changed because of these darling babies born to a mommy I have never met. Thank you Jenell for sharing your greatest gifts with us.
heartbroken and consumed with grief, Bethany

Darlene said...

Jenell and Rob,

You have my deepest sympathy. I am sorry and saddened by your loss.

I read your blogs after coming over from BBC. You are very strong and brave. Your strength is inspiring.

I know there is not much that will comfort you, but I hope you are able to keep your sense of humor and continue to love and support each other through this difficult time.

Anonymous said...

Hi Janell, I have followed your story every since you made a post on babycenter asking if anyone else was on bedrest. I was totally shocked to open up your blog this morning and see that both of your girls were delivered and passed. Please know that God is with you and your girls are now in the best hands possible. I am so sorry for your loss but please never give up hope. I will still be praying for you and your family. May God comfort you and heal you-Micki

Anonymous said...

Jenell and Rob, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your families.
Maggie

Deanna V said...

I am so terribly sorry Jenny and Rob. I will continue to pray for you, I hope strength and peace find you.

Anonymous said...

I do not know you and I know that you are caught up in your grief now, but I wanted to mention something for the future. Jenell, I believe you have an Incompetent Cervix and a traditional vaginal cerclage is what the doctors were trying to attempt with you. However, there is something called a TAC (a transabdominal cerclage) that has almost a 100% success rate if placed by an expert surgeon. The TAC is what I would recommend you look into. Please consider contacting Dr. Haney at the University of Chicago (ahaney@babies.bsd.uchicago.edu) or Dr. Davis in New Jersey (askdrdavis@aol.com) Doctors who do ot know any better will tell you to not attempt the TAC, but as a woman who lost a 23 weeker, I knew I needed something that would give me the BEST chance for a successful full term birth. You may also want to check out abbyloopers. It is a yahoo group for women who have or are looking into the TAC. It can be found at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Abbyloopers/ I am sending you this message because after my loss, all I could focus on was a solution to my cervix and this was it for me. It provided me hope when I did not have any.
You are in my thoughts,
Michelle

Anonymous said...

Jennell & Rob - Please know that you and your precious angels are in my thoughts and prayers. No couple should have to endure so much pain that the two of you have. All of us on BBC are there for you and sending a lot of love and hugs your way right now.
Susan

Aunt Becky said...

Oh Jenell, I am so very sorry for the loss of your babies. I wish I could do anything to make it better, but I know I cannot.

Just know I'm sending you a huge hug, light, love and peace.

You all will be in my prayers.

Carrie said...

My beautiful, strong sister and my loving and supportive brother:

There are no words to say to make you feel less hurt then you are feeling now.

Isaac and I love you both so much and are so happy you have each other through this heartbreaking time in your lives.

We are only a phone call away should either of you need anything.

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry. I don't have any words that can express how very sorry I am.

Jennifer

Kami said...

I am so sorry. I hope that with the help of those that you love you will be able to get through this and find a place of peace again. You have lots of us on the BBC board praying for you.

Jenny said...

I am so sorry Jenell and Rob! Ryan and I have been praying for you two constantly. I know that there are no words that can help, but I know it's also good to know there are people who care about you and what you're going through and that we love you and will be continuing to pray. If you need ANYTHING, please call. If you just need someone there, call, and I can try to make it up there if you want. We love you very much.

Lisa (kck&ksmommy) said...

Jenell and Rob - I don't even know what to write. I am so, so sorry - there are no words. You and your beautiful girls will remain in my heart and prayers. Your words about calling the funeral home really struck me, because as you know I too have done this twice. I am here if you ever need to talk. Although we cannot be with you physically we are with you in spirit. Please take care of yourself - you have been so through very much. Many hugs....

Lisa

Anonymous said...

Jenell & Rob: Our hearts are all broken for you. I pray for your ability to heal from this seemingly unbearable loss. Be good to yourselves, whatever that means for you as you experience your grief and love and survival. So many of us will be praying for you.
Sharon from Manhattan Beach, CA

Dana said...

Words can't even begin to express how sorry I am for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this oh so very difficult time.

Dana

Nicole (nbebaby2) said...

Jenell and Rob,

My heart is breaking for you and wishing so badly that you did not have to go through this devastating experience again. I wish there was something I could say or do to make things better but I know there is not. Just know that your sisters at BBC love you and are here for you when you are ready to lean on us.

May the Lord hold and comfort you and your family as you face the coming days. May you realize that Jesus weeps with you. And may you come to see that whatever you are feeling, it's okay. And may you realize that God is sitting with you, fully present, grieving your loss of your precious girls - but also restoring you. And in that, may you find hope.

-Nicole (nbebaby2)

♥ Paul & Jewels ♥ said...

Janell and Rob,
I've been also following your story on BBC and want you to know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers through this devestating time!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart is broken. No one should have to loss their children. I just don't understand it. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

Tristansmommy said...

Jenell,

You don't know me, but I wanted to let you know that you and your husband are in my prayers. I can't imagine the pain you are facing right now. You are right in leaning on Jesus. He will carry you when you feel like you can't carry yourself. My heart breaks for your family. May God bring you peace and comfort in the following days.

In Christ's Love,
Mandy Holder






Jenell I have a prayer chain going for you, the above is from one of my close friends, just know that we're holding you and Rob up in our prayers... I can't believe this has happened again, and only God knows, but I pray that God holds you close and comforts you through this time... We love you dear friend...

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your losses. My best friend lost her son (Carson Robert) at 37 weeks and I am sure he is playing with your girls in heaven.

May the strength of your family and friends help you through this. I cannot say I know what you are going through, but as a mom I know the love you have for the twins and their sister.
Strength and prayers to you and your family...

Anonymous said...

I have been following your story from BBC and was praying so hard for your little girls to stay in longer. I am so sorry! I will continue to pray for your whole family.

Anonymous said...

We're so sorry...there are no words...you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Danny and Gina Basham

Heather said...

Jenell and Rob-

I can't even express how sorry I am that you have lost 3 little ones. I am just shocked and so sad for your losses. Please know you have been in my prayers and will continue to be in my prayers...surely the doctors have to figure out why this keeps happening to you. I just don't understand , you seem like such a strong person and if there is anything I can do for you guys , please let me know!!

Heather

Anonymous said...

Jenell and Rob:

I am so so so sorry for your losses! I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I hope you are ok. Please know that I'm thinking of you both.

Stephanie Pintar

Lisa H. said...

Janell,

I am so devastated by this news. I wish I had words. I can't begin to understand why. Your strength through this has touched me like nothing every has. Please know that you and Rob are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry.

Lisa

Rebuilding Myself said...

Jenell,

I am so sorry to hear about Alexis and Asheln ... what beautiful names for your precious girls.

I will be praying for you as you stumble through these next days. I remember the shock, pain, and tears of the weeks after we lost our twins so vividly.

Thinking of you ...

Brandy M said...

Jenell & Rob - I am so so sorry for the loss of your two beautiful baby girls. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Brandy M.
Baby Center

Kristi said...

Jenell & Rob, the words "I'm sorry" don't even being to cover it but, I am so very sorry. Know that I am praying for you and holding you close to my heart.

Brenna's Mom said...

Jenell and Rob- I am so, so sorry. I really thought you were going to bring your girls home, too. Know that I am thinking of you.

Gonzalez Family said...

I am so grieved and share so acutely the feeling of not understanding, even anger. I can't believe this has happened again and that you had to go through all you did, Jenell, and as a husband & father, Rob, having to see it. Words cannot express how sorry I am or what I feel for you both. You are both amazing and strong and I have to believe that God is going to use this somehow, some way, for good. (?!) We love you SO much and grieve with you. I'll call you when we get back.

Anonymous said...

Janell and Rob - I am deeply saddened to hear the news. My heart goes out to you and your families.

Keep your faith and strength and lean on each other for support. You have many, many messages of love and support both on here and on so many different boards on BBCC. May you find comfort in the small things as you try and get through this incredibly difficult time.

May you find peace and hope to move forward with your lives.
Caroline

Never forgetting Gregory said...

OMG. I am so sorry. This is ridiculously unfair. Nobody should have to go through this at all! And after you went through it already...you should be bringing your babies home with you. I just can't find the justice in this to try and give you any words of comfort. I imagine you are in so much pain nobody will ever understand. We are here for you on babycenter and you are in my thoughts all day long. I am so sorry. =(

Maura said...

Jenell and Rob - My prayers are with you today. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughters. I will continue to pray for you in the coming weeks and months. Much love and many hugs to you both. Maura

S and D said...

I'm so sorry that you and your family have had to go through with all of this one time let alone with a second pregnancy. You are an inspiration to all of us with how you have handled everything . You are in our hearts and prayers.
Thinking of you,
Danielle (dulax8-BBC)

The Payne Family said...

I am so sad for you Jenell....I don't even have the words....my deepest sympathies....
Kristine

Anonymous said...

Rob & Jen - We are so heartbroken and so sad for you both. There are no words that can even touch this deep loss and heartache!!!(I'm a little angry too..)our little neices are in heaven with our Dad, and our heavenly Father is holding you both in his hand. You both are the most amazingly strongest people we know. I can't even begin to know what you are both going through inside.(again) Just know that we love you both to peices and will be there in a second if you need anything at all. Here is a big Hug from all of us........We are continuously praying for you and may you somehow be comforted...

The sobrero fam

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your baby girls. I can't imagine what you and Rob are going through. I have been praying for you and will continue to do so.

Amy

Mom to 2 boys +? said...

Jenell, my heart is breaking for you both. You will continue to be in my prayers as you face these next few weeks and months. I am so so sorry that you have to be in this awful place again. Sending you lots of love
Kara

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss, I will pray for you.

Melissa said...

Jenell - You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I am devistated to hear the news. You are right, no person should have to lose 3 babies and I am so sorry that it has happened that way for you. I wish you a happy road ahead and hope that one day you will hold your child in your arms and he/she will be perfect for you. I am so sorry and will be praying for your heart to heal. (((hugs)))

Courtney Major said...

Oh Jenell. I'm so devastated for you both. No parent should ever have to endure what the two of you have been through this past year. I will continue to lift you up in prayer, that He will carry you through this dark valley.

I couldn't stop the tears while reading this entry. Your words of thankfulness in your conclusion are inspirational. You have such a beautiful heart that shines through your writing. Thank you for sharing and letting us bare your burden with you.

All Our Love & Prayers,
Dave and Courtney

MooreMama said...

Jenell -
I'm reading through tears. I can't even begin to express how sorry I am. I wish I had something wonderful or inspirational to say, but I just don't. I'm so sorry.
~Jessica (bbc)

Anonymous said...

God grant you peace in this time of sadness and anger. May you never despair, and may He guide your through what doubt may come into a fuller understanding of His love. May He bless you to faithfully look forward to the day of His return, when all sorrow is turned to joy and you are reunited with your little ones, never to be separated again.

I am so, so sorry for you loss. You are all in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

We will continue to pray for you both to have strength! Don't feel bad about sadness, your girls deserve to be missed! May the Lord bless you beyond measure even in this hard time.

Jillybean said...

My deepest sympathy, I hope you can feel all of the cyber support, huggs, love and prayers your and your husband are receiving.

Anonymous said...

I found your blog recently through someone else's... I'm so very sorry for your losses. Your girls are miracles. Many prayers for peace and healing for you and your husband, and prayers for your three girls in Heaven.
-Stephanie

Anonymous said...

Rob and Jenell~ I am so sorry for your loss. I am hurting and crying for you and I hope you know that you will always be in my prayers. I love you guys and can't help but hurt for you guys.

Love, Deena

Anonymous said...

Jenell-
I am so devestated about your loss. I lost my baby girl @ 23 weeks in September. I couldnt imagine going thru it again. Someone wrote me a very sweet card and wrote something that really touched me. I thought maybe it would help you as well.... "Although there will always be days of hurt, just know that your babies are waiting for you in Heaven. Just know that they are safe in Jesus's arms, and he rocks them to sleep when they are crying. And he will rock you to sleep when you are crying too. Just trust in Him." I am praying for you and your husband for redemption of the soul and hope for the future! You are in my heart and prayers. My heart grieves with you so badly! Also, please read the book 90 Minutes in Heaven. It's proof that your angels are waiting for you and they are in the arms of He who is faithful.

McNeilly's said...

Rob & Jen- we are so deeply sorry for guys! Our hearts are broken over your loss. Please let us know if there is anything we can do at all! We love you guys so much and will always remember these precious little nieces as well as Makenna. You guys are so amazing and we grieve with you even though only you know your pain so deeply. We love you guys and are praying for even extra doses of strength and words of comfort over the next days. All of our love, The McNeilly's

anne kelley said...

Sorry to hear of the loss.....nothing makes sense right now. keep leaning on the Lord. In Him you will find your strength & understanding.

Anonymous said...

You all are in my prayers!

business girl said...

JENELL. I AM SO SORRY. THIS JUST ISN'T FAIR.
CINDY FROM BBC

Cheryl said...

Rob & Jen, Our hearts break for you. Jack and I love you and your little girls, we send you a big hug and all our love and support. If you need anything call. Just hold on and know that God will see you through all of this, you are both strong and love is all around you from all who care for you. Rob, you know what you are to us.

J,C,J Andrews

Anonymous said...

I saw a prayer request for you at Bring the Rain and had hoped to find a miraculous ending. I cannot fathom the devastation and pain you and your hubby must be feeling. My heart is breaking for you. Please know that you are in the prayers of many.

Supa Sparks said...

Rob and Jen,

We love you.

Rebekah said...

I am so sorry for your loss. :(

Elizabeth said...

Jenell, I am so sorry for your loss. I know that we can't make it better for you. I do want you to know that you have alot of people praying for you right now! I know God has a plan for you as hard as that may seem to understand right now...

Zil said...

I have no other words than I'm sorry and that lots of people - friends, family and bloggers to a name a few - are thinking of you right now.

jckurtz7 said...

We are so devastated by your loss. this side of heaven we will never understand. We love you guys and will pray for strength and a peace that passes understanding. I have been encouraged by your faith and the blogs are such a blessing to my heart. You are a truly amazing woman Jen. Love you

Anonymous said...

Jenell you dont know me but I have been following your story for days now (found it on main page bbc) and have been praying for you and your daughters.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and my heart breaks for you and your husband.

You are right, it isnt fair. Nobody should have to go through what you guys have gone through.

I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Jenell-

I am so very sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you guys!

Janalle

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry...I can't imagine and just can't stop my own tears after hearing about your situation. Please know I'm praying for you.
Lu

Anonymous said...

Rob and Jen,

We love you both as so many others do too. The pain, anguish, and loss you both must be feeling is something none of us will ever understand. Please know how much we are all thinking of you and praying for you.

Robbins Fam

Pamela said...

We are so sorry for the loss of your precious daughters who are now your little angels and with their sister. We are still praying for you and wish you continued strength through this extremely difficult time. Your faith is amazing and He will help you through this.

We love you and are here for you.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4

Your friends,
Pam and Steve

jenfnolf said...

I am so sorry. My heart is just broken for you and your husband. Your family will continue to be in my prayers. There are just no words, and someone said to me after my daughter died at 22 w 3d~ Life just sucks sometimes. I don't know but that seemed more comforting to me than "God has a plan" because I didn't know why His plan involved so much emotional pain for me. Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure their big sister was waiting for them in heaven, and they are having a grand ole time playing together.

Melissa said...

Dear Janell and Rob,
We've never met but my sisters my husband and I have been praying and they had been fasting for your babies. The loss is so great.

God's timing and will is wrapped in mystery, but his promises to bind up and heal the broken hearted are what I pray will be seen in your life. Know that we grieve with you, and will be praying.
Melissa and Chad

3LittleByrds said...

Jenell, my heart is breaking for you.I'm so sorry for your losses. Please know I am thinking of yall and praying for yall. I hope God gives you peace and comfort.

Debbie

anonymous said...

You have all been in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be. Your strength and faith are such an inspiration. God bless you...

Jeremy said...

Rob & Jen,

We are so sorry for your loss! We love you guys and will be praying for peace and strength for both of you. God bless and keep you in this time of mourning.

Jeremy & Faith

Faith and Jeremy Peasley said...

I know nothing we say can help ease your pain but know we are here for you and Your in our prayers. We love you guys!

Amy Peterson said...

We just wanted you and Rob to know we will continue to pray for your strength and that you are able to go home soon. We love you so much!
Jerry and Amy

Kim D. said...

You don't know me, but I found your blog through another blog friend. I am so sorry for your losses today. I lost a baby girl, Brianna, this past Valentines Day at 22 weeks 5 days after spending 19 days on bedrest in the hospital. I can't imagine losing three. My prayers have been with you these past few days and I will be especially praying for you in the weeks to come. My sincerest sympathies.

~Kim in Indiana

Annalien said...

I am so sorry (these are such inadequate words!). I prayed so hard, but sometimes it is difficult to understand God's will. Now I pray that God will hold you in His arms and give you peace.

I read in Scripture this morning that the foundation of people who believe in God is firmly planted on rock so that you can weather life's storms. This must be the most devastating life storm that has hit you. I believe that your faith is planted on that rock, even though it may not feel like that always. May God keep you.

Valerie said...

I am so completely overwhelmed by your story. I am sitting here crying for you, your husband, and your babies - all three of them. This is devastation at it's worst, and I know that I do not know you, you do not know me, and that there is absolutely nothing I can say to you that can change reality or make it better, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of all of you and will pray for all of you when I say my prayers. I feel for you, so much, and am so deeply devastated for you and with you. I admire the courage you have which you have brought forth to this page, and the honesty that you have shared with us. God Bless you and your family!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Jenell, I am so sorry you have to live through this again. I found your blog through BBC. I have a son (b/d 22wks) and angel twins (mc 10 wks) in heaven.

I will say a prayer for strength for you and your family.

Nicole

Anonymous said...

Rob & Jenell-

Somewhere in the busy part of life, I've lost that connection with our Savior, but today after reading your blog this overwhelming emotion came over me and reminded me that he is still there. He will always be there. And he is there for your family right now. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope your family finds comfort in His love. Rob-your family has always been an inspiration to me growing up at P.C.S.and as I can see will continue to inspire me that there are beautiful people like the two of you. God Bless and you are in my prayers

Amber "Sperry"

Anonymous said...

Jenell - my heart absolutely aches for you. I was in tears while reading your story. I pray that the Lord comforts you during this devastating time. There is really nothing that I can say to help, I just want you to know that there are a ton of us out here who are praying for you and your husband. God be with you during this difficult time.

Ashley said...

We have never met; however, I received an email last week from a friend asking me to pray for you and your sweet children. Please be comforted by knowing that people around the country are holding your family up in prayers. Jenell and Rob, your strength and faith is truly an inspiration.

Ashley in Boston, MA

Jenniffer said...

This is Jen (Sparks friend) again. My heart aches for your loss. The tears are streaming down my face as I type this. Your three little girls are in heaven with my son. How it changes you- an experience like this and with your first. My heart goes out to you, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Anything you feel right now is ok. Anything. I hope you find some peace and comfort in this new journey you are on of grief and letting go but always with the hope of healing and renewal.

Jenn said...

Jenell, I'm so devastated to hear the news of the loss of your two precious girls. You and your family are in my prayers. My heart is broken :(
Love, Jenn (jmushort1 from BBC)

Danielle said...

Jenell - I do not even know what to say. I just typed and erased the last 3 sentences that started off this paragraph, trying to find one that might console you. I don't think there is such a sentence. Reading your blog has put me in tears and I am just so sad for you. Please know that you and Rob are in my thoughts. Love to you both.

Danielle
BBC

Shawn & Natalie said...

I don't know you but I know Faith and Jeremy and this blog broke my heart.
I am a mother and I can not even imagine the pain and heart ache that you are feeling in this time of sadness and confusion.
You both are in my prayers. You are a very strong woman and God will carry you through this.

Kristin (kekis) said...

I know that nothing I say can ease your pain right now. I pray that faith, time, family, friends, and one another help get you through this devastating time.

Jennifer said...

I read all these comments and it touches my heart how people we don't know can make us feel a little better. To burry one baby is devastating, but 3? My god, I am so sorry. Where ever I go, I look around at people and realize that someone they knew in their life has passed and it is heartbreaking. Losing a child(ren) is a hole that never heals. People tell me time heals. But for me, time doesn't heal, it just passes. I never liked hearing, "they are in a better place." I think,"away from their mom?" Doesn't make sense. But do not give up hope, ever. I am now pregnant with my 5th. I will send over to you lots of prayers.

heather said...

You and I have never met, but our stories are all too familiar. I found your blog from Talia Waters page. I have lost 2 babies. I will never understand why God has not given me my heart's desire. I have wanted to be a mom so desperately. Please know you are not alone and that your story moves me to tears.
Blessings,
Heather
Mommy to angels
Rylie Rochelle 9.21.07
Gabriel Matthew 9.5.08

Michelle said...

Hello. My friend sent me a link to your blog and I was wondering if you've ever been tested for a form of thrombophilia - more specifically - Factor V Leiden (pronouned factor five leedin)

Many many women have it and don't know they do until they suffer stillbirth, miscarriage and worse. It's a simple low-cost blood test that could save you heartache.

i'm so sorry for your losses. please, if you are seeking more info on FVL (the MOST common blood disorder among women in the US - yet many don't know they have it) please email me at mktarrant@gmail.com

god bless

Anonymous said...

Im so sorry for your loss, Well I wish your 3 babies have their beautiful and magical Angel wings now don't worry because ill pray for youe 3 miracles or should i say 4 :)BENJAMIN :)
im really sorry..I wish i could see your family but im too far away in your country.. :(( GOD BLESS ALL OF YOUR FAMILY Love you! :D