11/4-Delivery Day

I'm really not even sure how to say this, but I did want to give an update, especially before I forget any details. Both of our little girls were born today and are now in heaven with their sister.

Alexis's Story:
This afternoon, they couldn't stop my labor, but I was holding steady and they were doing regular monitoring. The plan was to still deliver Alexis and try to keep Ashlen in as long as possible. Alexis's heartbeat had started to waiver a little with contractions at one point, but the last time they checked it was going strong. Two hours later they couldn't find a heartbeat and then confirmed with an ultrasound that she had passed during labor. They immediately broke the bag of water that was still hanging and she was so low that after a few pushes, she was born. They cut the cord, put it back and hoped that the placenta did not deliver. My contractions stopped pretty quickly, so it was looking good and I wasn't bleeding that much. Then all of the sudden I started bleeding a huge amount and the doctor knew that we needed to deliver the placenta immediately to stop the bleeding. I didn't have any pain meds but he needed to work quickly to deliver the placenta because my blood pressure was dropping quickly. He basically had to use his hand to dig around and try to pull the placenta out, which I literally screamed bloody murder. They got an anethiesiologist in pretty quickly because he wasn't having luck getting the placenta out. At this point that also ordered 4cc's of blood for me stat. I had two working IV's in at the time, one in use, and one for this type of emergency. The anethiesiologist tried to give me a narcotic only to find out that both IV's literally just stopped working. It became a mad dash for two emergency IV's to be placed. They then wheeled me to an OR where the blood would arrive. By this time, I was in a ton of pain, had lost a ridiculous amount of blood and was going into shock. At one point I believe my blood pressure was somewhere around 80/40 (Rob corrected me and said my BP was in the mid 60's/40). I was shaking uncontrollably and was very cold. They were finally able to give me blood, which saved my life before I bled out and then gave me some narcotics so that my doctor could reach in and deliver the placenta. That is the last thing I remember for awhile. I woke up in a recovery room where I was being monitored for contractions. We were able to spend time with Alexis and take some pictures and she was beautiful. She weighed 14 oz and was 10 1/2 inches long.

Ashlen's Story:
A little bit after I was being monitored in recovery, I started to get the shakes, which they said was normal after delivery. My contractions started to pick up again and in no time I felt pressure and needed to push. They rushed the doctors and NICU team in and after few pushes, Ashlen was born. They whisked her away and Rob went with her and then I delivered the placenta. (Rob also corrected me on this and said a doctor with hands twice his size had to reach in and reposition Ashlen before I could push her out because she was coming out back first. He also pulled out the placenta immediately after I delivered her.) Rob returned with bad news. She was alive but had no chance for survival. She was just too small for them to even work on her and her skin was so thin they couldn't even warm her up. I couldn't leave, so they brought her to us to spend her last moments with us. She was just perfect looking and was a little bigger than her sister. She weighed 1 pound and was 11 inches long. We spent time with both of them together and took some pictures of them. They then took us to a private L&D room where we held Ashlen until her heart stopped, about 2 hours after she was born.

The hospital called in a volunteer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, which is a great organization that takes pictures of your child after they have passed. It's a free service and I think they did a great job and can't wait to see the pictures. We are so devastated right now and I think that I am probably still in a little bit of shock. The girls are sleeping in our room tonight and we will contact a funeral home tomorrow to make arrangements, which is all too familiar. No one should have to bury 3 babies. While I am on this earth, I will never understand why this has happened to us again. Even though they did not survive, they are still my miracle babies and I was blessed every second of every day that I was pregnant with them. I am so grateful for every movement that I felt and that Rob was able to feel them too. I just find myself asking why this all couldn't have just happened a few short weeks later, and they would probably still be here or how this could have even happened. I truly thought that we would bring them home. It is hard to not be bitter or angry, but I am trying with all of my heart to just lean on Him. Please continue to keep us in your prayers and thank you so much for all of your support.

I also have to add that this is the single most devastating day of my life. I lost my baby girls, almost died, and it looks like Obama won. I really don't want to go back to work after this, so I may just quit my job and let Obama 'take care' of me, since he is spreading the wealth and all. Don't ask me why I have a sense of humor right now.