Well, got more bad news today and it's not looking good. We still have hope though. Basically, because my water has broken, I am at a huge risk for infection. It's basically when, not if. Since I have twins and since the bag of water is hanging down and I'm a little dialated, it puts me more at risk. Dr. K and the peri consulted today after my ultrasound and then gave me two options:
Option A: Induce labor now and deliver Baby A (who would live for a very short period of time). Then hope that Baby B does not also come down, cut Baby A's cord, shove it all back up, and hope my cervix closes. Then hope that I don't get an infection and try to keep Baby B in for as long as possible. When infection does set it, they would have to deliver Baby B, or both of our lives would be at risk. The chances of saving Baby B this way is less than 2%.
Option B: Induce labor and deliver both babies (who would live for a very short period of time). They actually said 'empty my uterus'. Wow, nice wording.
I told my Dr. K that these two options are not acceptable to me. I asked them what about Option C, which is do nothing. He said we could do that if we wanted, but I am at a huge risk for infection and it's a matter of when, not if. He said infection could set in within hours, days, or weeks. Once signs of infection are here, they would have to immediately induce labor otherwise we would all die from the infection.
Rob and I decided that we will not choose which babies get to live or die and are leaving it in God's hands. So I will either go into labor at any point and deliver, or we just wait for infection and then deliver. Either way, I am hoping that it is weeks or months from now. If we can just get to 24 weeks, they have a chance! Obviously, I have been slightly hysterical on and off today, but am hanging in there. I feel like I'm just not prepared to deal with this all over again, so we really need a miracle.
37 comments:
Jenell, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. My heart breaks for you and I am saddened. I am praying that the infection stays away and you make it to at least 24 weeks. I know it can be done, don't give up hope. I know exactly what you are dealing with. My water broke after being in the hospital for a week with an infection then labor came. I feel so much deep sadness for you right now. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and hold your hand. Please know miracles do happen. I will be reading your blog to see how you are doing. Give each other a hug and say a prayer.
Tiffany
I just came across your blog I lost twins in dec 2007 My heart aches for you. Everyday is a gift. I also was given the same options as you I chose C like you. You can go to my blog to read my story if you would like. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Lisa
Jenell, I have FAR more faith in God than in doctors. I pray that infection stays at bay for months as I'm sure you do too. I think Plan C is much more acceptable.
Jenell,
I am hoping and wishing for you and your babies. I was in a similiar situation (though not with twins), and I too, decided not to induce. I completely understand, and good for you to stand up for what you want. So good that you are already on antibiotics, there is hope to keep the infection away until viability.
Thinking of you, Cee - BBC
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this. It must be just excruciating to handle. I'm sending you the biggest, fattest hug I can.
Our hearts are breaking for all of you. We have been praying for a miracle for you since before you got pregnant with the twins, we love you, Rob and the girls very much.
Jenell, I am so sorry that you are going through this and are faced with such impossible decisions. I completely agree with your decision to hold tight for now. I was sharing your story with a friend yesterday and she told me about a friend of hers whose bag of water broke at 19 weeks. The baby was delivered at 21 1/2 weeks and today is a thriving, normal, healthy child. I'm praying for a miracle like that x2 for you. Try to relax as much as you can and know that you have so many prayers and good thoughts going your way. (((HUGS))) to you and Rob & STAY AWAY, INFECTION!
Allison
Rob and Jenell, my husband and I are praying for a miracle for you. I hope you can feel all the love and support everyone on BBC is sending you. There just aren't words to express how tightly we are holding you in our hearts right now. May the days sail by until your babies can be safely delivered. May you feel strength and peace in your heart.
Jenell-
I agree with Kristi. We are flooding the gates with prayer for you!
The Drs have already given more then mine did for Carter with IC make them continue to give you more!
My 9yr DD and I pray for you every night, miracles can happen!
Brandee
Jenell, I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and praying for your girls.
I know a woman who carried her baby further after her water broke at around 20 weeks... she made it to the "nearly safe" zone, and her baby... well.... let's just say that she's 5 years old now and as beautiful and ornery as the dickins! Miracles do happen. I hope you don't mind a complete stranger praying for you and your sweet babies!!!
I would do exactly what you are doing. I lost my twin sons at 21 weeks and it was horrific. If you can just manage to get to 24 weeks, there is a good chance for them. I agree with this. Bedrest might help your situation - yes infection might set in, but you don't control that. And I know people who have had waters broken for some time who do not get an infection.
I did not get a miracle with my sons, but I pray you get yours.
Jenell,
I am a friend of Sara Sparks and a mother of 1 son. All the maternal love that God gave me I pour out to you right now.
Please believe only what you want to happen in this situation not what the doctors are telling you. (easier said than done)
Focus on bringing your twins home safe and sound, and keep this as your major focus. Refuse any negative thoughts, even what has happened in the past. Meditate and pray on only what you see happening in the future with you, your husband and your twins.
You do not have an infection, you will not get an infection. No "ifs, or whens". You are healthy and will deliver these healthy children.
You are surrounded with love and all goodness.
Susan
Hi, Rob & Jenell. Sara Sparks passed along news that prayers are needed for you and your precious babies. We will be doing that. We know that God is still in the business of miracles, so we will pray with fervency that the babies can stay to term...but, if needed, they can come at 24 weeks, not sooner. Know that God is good. We will pray for peace and comfort during this time, as well as discernment on decisions that need to be made. God is faithful!
Christi & Lucas Berger
I know of twin moms who have been through similar situations and have delivered well after 24 weeks without infection. I hope that is the case with you.
I'll be thinking of you.
Sending prayers your way for you and your babies.
Jenell and Rob,
Stay strong you two. Adrienne and I will be praying for you and the twins. God bless you guys.
Aaron and Adrienne Gaily
I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. My heart breaks for you.
I am wishing you strength, peace and no infection until at least 24 weeks.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
My friend just showed me your blog. I will be praying for you. God is awesome and no matter what the outcome He loves you and the twins and has you ALL in His hands.
Praying hard.
The Natural Mommy linked your blog on Twitter, so here I am.
I appreciate that you were bold enough to insist on Option C. As a midwife, lactation consultant and doula, I am always impressed when moms request the "do nothing" route. I am praying for your family.
Just remember that God is able. He has you in His hands, I know you are really scared right now but He's got you. Tell Satan out loud to stay away from you and these babies. Sending you many many prayers and lots of love!
Kara
I am so sorry for everything that you guys are going through. I truly believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking. You have so many people thinking good thoughts and praying for you - everything is going to work out!!! Stay strong!
Jennell,
Hey, girlie! I love you! I have been praying and will continue to pray for a miracle! We have a big God and this is totally within his power. I love you!
About infections, I know that they are giving you antibiotics, but it might be worth looking at some homeopathic remedies. The first that comes to mind is colloidal silver and then take probiotics to increase your immune system. It is just a suggestion. I am praying that you will have peace.
Anneke
Jenell,
I praying for you, DH and your precious girls. I believe in miracles and I'm praying that there is one for you.
Brandy
You and you DH are so strong and I believe you are making the right choice. God will do what is right. My heart goes out to all of you. Stay positive.
-Kristen
Jenell, hang in there! I think you and your husband made the right decision to wait and see what happens. God will know what to do. All of my prayers are with you and your babies.
Kellie
Jenell, what an amazing support group you have. Reading all of these comments that people are leaving is so touching. Looking at the times of the posted comments, you have prayer for your family around the clock. Well, I'm praying for you now and will continue to do so today and until the babies are safe.
Jenell, Kristin shared your blog with us. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious babies. I also believe you made the best choice. May God be with you and your family.
Angie
Jenell- I am so sorry for you and hope that a miracle can happen and the babies stay in for a little longer. I know the chances right now aren't good, but it is possibly for viability before 24 wks. just remember that. I am praying for you
Shari
Although I don't know you, and just heard your story - I pray the infection stays away until you can deliver at a safer time for them.
Jennell - My heart just fell reading this post....mainly because I just can't imagine your emotions and how you are feeling. I am praying so hard that the Lord word work a miracle and that he would keep both you and the girls safe for several more weeks. Thank you so much for keeping us all updated.
The above post was from Rachel (on BBC with you)...just in case you didn't figure that out. :)
Jenell -
Please know that I am praying for you, and that I totally agree that your faith is better placed in God, who can work miracles, than with doctors, who can only work with what God gives them.
Love,
Jessica (from bbc)
Jenell and Rob,
Please be assured that Sheri and I will be praying for you, for your babies, and for the entire situation. We're so sorry that you have to face this reality.
We put our confidence squarely on the God of love, and in the love of God. He is good, and nothing can ever separate us from His love.
Blessings to you both. Numbers 6:23-27.
In Christ,
Bill and Sheri Holdridge
We don't know each other but I linked to your blog from Holli's blog. I will be praying for you and your babies. I lost my daughter in August at 22 w 3d and no mommy should ever go through this pain. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
Jenell & Rob,
Jesus is right in the middle of all this - for some unknown reason we are taken down different paths and at those times we trust
Him more than ever before. Remember what went on the Phil and Bernadette Keaggy and with us. Hold tight to Him and to one another and you have my prayers for a miracle. Debbie Jones
One day closer to 24 weeks! You and your girls are so strong and so willful! Sending you lots of love and hugs XOXOXOX
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